i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
