he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
It's like God shit irony all over that family
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
