After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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