My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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