The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
