the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
