best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
