i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
