I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
