she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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