So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize