I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
