Soap is not a condiment
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
