Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
