sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
