Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
