You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
