First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
