a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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