Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
