Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize