I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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