In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
