I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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