im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
