Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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