Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
