just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Randomize
