It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
