I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your penis caused this!
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