The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
