No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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