Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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