Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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