Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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