Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
