and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
