He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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