apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
