"it" just moved
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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