im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
