I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
