apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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