I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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