I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
