Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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