fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
