When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
