she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
