The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
