do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
