I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
