I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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