My friends, they love my intelligence
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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