4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
