I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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