Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she peed on how many people?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
