but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
