so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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