I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
