I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize