So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
