Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
