Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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