Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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