my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
