the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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