What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
