My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize