apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
please come you make the beer taste better
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
