Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
