Where is the hickey?
i was born a porn star she said
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
