Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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