My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize