You smell like stripper and shame
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
