I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize