I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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