I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
