im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You've changed since you got that strap on
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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