remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize