let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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