am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
